"Never become bitter," a good friend tells me over the phone.
(she said this years ago). Those word ringing loudly in my ears as I guzzle the Hennessy in my crystal rocks glass. I knew it was the best advice she could ever give me. I knew I would be needing it. Today is that day. From the hidden apartments and pets he had claimed to have given up. I realized today I had allowed myself to settle.
We rarely ask ourselves in the beginning of a relationship what exactly we are willing to give up. We never contemplate what choices we allow them to have and how those "perks" can set you up for failure. I let him keep one pet
(one of four). I drilled her over dinner on Valentine's Day
(which was also the moment he partnered me) and I wanted to see if she was "real". The tragedy was realizing I was partnered but still alone and my fear was of him being alone if I had to leave Second Life
(due to RL responsibilities), not of myself being alone.
From the blatant disrespect of posting photos of "us"
(me, him and her) claiming to be the "happiest man in the world," to the mistake his pet made at dinner in local chat that he tried to cover up with chat spam. I had allowed things to fester and it made my stomach turn every time I logged in. My mind racing through all the "red flags" I had ignored.
(red flags: things that tip me off about someone or a situation) There were so many red flags, I was covered in them
(you could see me down the street at night) and I kept believing this person was good for me.
What else could he be fraudulent about? His money? His status? That Jimmy Choo purse he was so eager to send me during Christmas? That $100,000 car he claim he drives in RL? I believed most of it. But, I knew the truth would surface eventually.
This is not a "tell-all" blog post. Just a venting. Just a warning.
The energy coming through the computer would consume me at times and leave me drained. I knew things were going haywire when I could not relax to even enjoy my own vibrator with him. The voice that came through the phone was distant. Emotionally distant. No love there for me. No connection. Void. Physical triggers let me know of the corrupt energy on the other side of this "connection". The tightness in my throat, the tense shoulders and feeling dazed. Not by love. but by control.
If there is a "she", I feel bad for her. This is not a "tell-all" blog post. Just a venting. Just a warning.
For six months I put up with an argumentative Scorpio male. An accuser that worried some other man was interested in me, but also an absent man. Covered in empty promises and pipe dreams.
I know exactly what she is getting...
Even when things are all done and said with, I know what "she" is getting herself into. It's all an elaborate trap disguised as Love. No matter the person, she will know what I know, but I hope it does not cost her too much. She will know of the baggage he carries and the inconsistencies I have witnessed. I know exactly what she is getting. She just does not know what she is asking for.
She does not win, she inherits a problem I have already conquered.
October 2015-March 17th 2016. We had an amazing run. Longer than most. But he never deserved me. He just attached to my vibrant energy and now, I get that back. I get all of ME back. I had given up so many morals to "accept" this person. It cost me some time, but I got the chance to learn something. I learned that people with baggage will never sort it out for another person. They have to want to do that for themselves.
That final lie is all they got left... it's their ACE. It's their last hope to hurt the invincible person they claim they fell in love with...
When there is no room for you in their lives, they have to take the first opportunity out. The final lie, a very unbelievable story of an ex-girlfriend who works at Linden Labs hacking his account. It was the perfect opportunity to cancel the most amazing wedding ever planned, to change my name back, clear my partner box and for me "that diamond in a coal mine" to slip through his fingers.
